Mon, 27 Dec 2004top
I, my friends, have hit the wall.
It, no doubt, has something to do with the fact that in the past 2 months, I've gotten only two weekends off. Both of those, AFAICR, involved doing very exhausting things, and they weren't so much weekends off as they were days trying to catch up with the rest of my life.
Nonetheless, bills remain unpaid, trash lies uncollected, laundry sits unwashed.
Futility isn't exactly what I mean, but it's the best word I can come up with at the moment.
The bright, but possibly disastrous, spot in all of this is that I know that this can't go on forever, for various reasons.
Either I survive, or I don't.
I've gotten to the point where there's no use in worrying about it. Whatever happens, happens.
The ends of years just absolutely kill me.
Wed, 01 Dec 2004top
the light the rain, the spilt shifting sand and lightning fog like ripe blossoms dessicated by the desert's furnace winds withering breath
we swear upon the souls of our grandmothers our grandfathers all this shit-stained mewling and bloody nothingness destiny makes us all miserable wracked with horror and agony sunk into tiny particles of despair of decay we wonder time and matter and free energy and freedom let it ring! some dream some trick some hoax each second is a four dimensional prison if there was only a way to flow between into the cracks and fissures of reality
we try to draw this out this ichor this poison as if with activated charcoal after downing an entire bottle of pain-killers how to kill the pain is to kill one's self and there is no other way around without resorting to sophistry
we sing like lightning and thunder and the hurricane winds rip roar around us like man eating predators like the lizard kings in the days before the meteor and still like tongues of fire like the roiling sea I cannot cease crafting nonsense words for all the things I will never understand