Tue, 19 Apr 2005


gamma ray burst


Even my dreams are laced with nothing but work, work, work.

I dreamt that maybe there was a huge cosmic gamma ray burst. This would manifest in doctors' offices and hospitals as an increased rate of miscarriages in the next couple of months, and an increased rate of malformed babies nine months after. And the rate of malignancy, especially bone marrow problems, would increase as well.

06:16:03 19 Apr 2005 > /dreams > permalink > 12 comments

Sun, 06 Mar 2005


dreaming while the house burns down around me


Now I should probably know better, but for those of you who know me well, this is probably not surprising at all.

It's actually been a while since I haven't slept at all on a call night. It never occurred to me how much even 1 hour of being able to put your head down makes all the world of difference. So I try to drive home without killing anyone after working for 32½ hours straight and decide to warm up the pizza that I had left over from the night before call.

Bad idea.

As the pizza sits in the oven, I decide to lay down on the couch for a second. You know, just resting my eyes. Checking the lids for light-leaks.

A few minutes quickly turns into sixteen hours, at which time I notice that the place smells a little smoky, and my throat is a little raw, like I've been smoking from a pipe.

How I managed not to immolate myself is a mystery to me. What can I say. God has a strange sense of humor or something.

Anyway, I guess the mild-to-moderate asphyxiation stimulated my brain or something, because I had some really weird dreams.

One: I dreamt that my other dog died, run over by a car.

Two: I made it to an island in the East Pacific that was it's own country, and the populace was made up entirely of ex-patriate Asian Americans. The Filipino guy who hooked me up with my travel visa was trying to extort me, so I got rid of his phony goods and made my way to the U.S. Embassy. My uncle then wanted to fly out to Cebu. Bizarrely, I find out that one of my mentors in medical school had had an affair with the Queen(?) of this country and they had had a child which died.

Three: A neighbor of my parents comes to the door in the advanced stages of labor, and my mom and dad end up delivering her in the foyer. The kid is past dates (something absurd, like 42 to 46 weeks) and me and my brother make sure that he's doing OK. The baby is, however, grunting, and I scan my brain for anything that we might use for deep suction.

Four: The bottom of my parent's hill has majestically gentrified, with an enormous commercial district that reminds me a lot of New York City. The city I find myself in is one of those weird hybrid cities I dream a lot about: some bizarre amalgamation of NYC, Chicago, and L.A. This version has the hills and mountains of L.A., the population density and public transport system of NYC, and the lakeshore of Chicago.

Five: Me and my brother are playing this really fun RPG that has very realistic animation. The world is kind of like Middle Earth, and involves various aspects of many of the computer and game-console RPGs that we've played throughout our lives.

19:21:47 6 Mar 2005 > /dreams > permalink > 1 comments

Sat, 26 Feb 2005




I should've known better than to go to sleep drunk and without taking my meds.

One: having to wake up early enough to drive down to San Diego from L.A. and go to work. For some bizarre reason, I was on an OB-GYN rotation, and the hospital I was working at reminded me of Cook County Hospital in Chicago (minus the ER)

Two: in my dream, I learn that an undying but hopelessly unrequitable love is not entirely unrequited.

Three: me and my oldest friend have moved to Chicago, and we are wandering around Wicker Park, looking for somewhere to eat breakfast.

I hate it when I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep.

11:31:56 26 Feb 2005 > /dreams > permalink > 13 comments

Sat, 21 Feb 2004


haunted house


I've dreamt about this before. I think it's just a manifestation of all the adventure games I used to play on my computer as a kid.

anyway, so there's this haunted house in this abandoned part of town. for some reason, I imagine it's some part of L.A. that is very rarely traveled, near the ocean. perhaps something off of an abandoned routing of old US 66, or one of those abandoned freeways in L.A. of course, this place I'm imagining doesn't actually exist, although I dream incessantly of a partially built x15 that deposits you in the middle of some hills. but anyway.

everyone knows about this haunted house. In fact, it's become a game of sorts. so me, my brother, my sister, and my dad go into this house, and explore, level by level. We already know that if you try going back out the front door, you won't be able to leave. We already know that the only way out is through a hidden grating, across a lawn, and over the fence, which has a gate, but it is locked, and the lock has fused. we get to the 4th level of the house(!) and I open one of the doors to find a wolfman sitting in a room, sleeping. I don't mention this to anyone else, and we head up to the 5th level, into the inner sanctum, where the final confrontation awaits. This is where it gets very game like. so there are two wolfmen whom accost us to do battle. it gets very Final Fantasy like, and suddenly there are several German Shepherds on our side. after a while, though, I remember that we can't defeat these guys—the actual objective of the game is to run away, out the grating, aacross the lawn, and over a fence. so we beat a hasty retreat. the wolfman on the 4th level is awake and now giving chase. we struggle with the grating, try to crawl across the lawn (because there are sentinels that would sight us otherwise) but the guys from the 5th level get to us and massacre us. after that, we end up in the atrium of the house again, locked in a loop until we can get out.

strangely, I have access to the Internet, and everyone knows about this "game." this is, apparently, where I learned the strategy to escape this place. and there are some false memes floating around too, like how if you just hit each of the wolfmen on the 5th floor 100 times each, they'll die. This is refuted by people who actually tried it and failed. also, we are required to have dinners every so often with the host of the house, who is a ghost. he appears and disappears a la Q on Star Trek, giving us useless, sarcastic advice. he also provides weapons. every so often, on the lawn, questers can receive one item from him. these items are whatever was left behind by people who get massacred by the wolfmen.

also bizarre is the fact that while literally millions of people are playing this game, you never really run into them a the house, except during the item exchange on the lawn, and at the mandatory dinners. when you actually ascend into the house, you can only bring your original party with you.

anyway, the dream somehow segues into me alone gaining my freedom, and I'm wandering the very altered streets of L.A. (the L.A. of my dreams where there is an Interstate 21 that starts at Adams Blvd. south of Mid-Wilshire and goes all the way down to San Pedro) most of the layout, though, is grossly intact. the noteable additions are that there is a significant light-rail system in place (as I mentioned in a previous dream), K-Town is even more significant than it is (like, there are even bigger buildings, it is more gentrified, and Korean businesses aren't the only ones thriving.) I eventually head up Elysian Blvd, which doesn't exist in L.A. (although there is an Elysian Park.) on a clear day, you can actually see the ocean from Elysian Blvd., but as in real life, clear days are rare in L.A. I eventually get on a freeway that I thought was the 101, except that it intersects the 101. this freeway has some exits that have San Jose street names. in any case, my objective is the haunted house, which I imagine is that solitary house you can see when you come down from the southbound end of the Glendale Freeway.

anyway. geography. undoubtedly it is a manifestation of the fact that I don't know where I'm going to be three months from now.

08:54:16 21 Feb 2004 > /dreams > permalink > 70 comments

Tue, 30 Dec 2003


time, reality, and death


I had a really bizarre dream last night. I will try to relate it "chronologically," meaning, in the order that I remember events, but anyone who has ever had a vivid dream can tell you this is utterly futile.

The first part involved meeting a carload of people I knew who had died in a car accident. For some reason, me and my live friends could see them and talk to them, a la "The Sixth Sense." Afterwards, my live friends planned on going to the crash site, which happened to be somewhere on the eastern portion of Michigan, just north of Detroit. We were, however, in Chicago, and because no one would be riding with me in my car, I didn't feel like it. Instead, I tried driving home to my apartment, but for some reason I couldn't read the street signs, and the landscape was markedly changed, to the point where I didn't recognize it. For one thing, there were hills, and anyone who has been to Illinois knows that there aren't any hills for hundreds of miles.

The next freaky thing, though, was that I realized that I had seen one of my friend in social settings prior, but after the car accident had taken place. Meaning that she had been dead the last time I had seen her, except that everyone thought that she was alive. I later learned in my dream that the only one who knew the truth was the driver in the car accident, who had, miraculously, survived.

Because I have been reading Philip K Dick lately, I recognized that my sense of reality was being shaken, with ramifications throughout spacetime. A "realityquake" if you will. (This is a concept that requires thought and articulation, but I will defer for now.)

There was much weeping and wailing. I still feel drained right now from all the crying I did in my dream.

Later on, I found that my now dead friend would show up in random places and would start talking to me, and other people could see her too, as long as they knew her well. That is, the clarity with which they could see her depended on how well they knew her. So people who didn't know her at all would just see me talking to thin air, while people who were as good if not better friends than I to her would see me conversing.

Finally, though, I stumble upon a newspaper clipping discussing the fatal car crash, and while the newspaper was printed in 1999, for some reason, it was referencing events in March 2005 (yep, not this incipient year, but the next one hence) as if 2005 was in the past. At that point, I had a "Back to the Future" moment where I began to suspect that I was caught in some time paradox, and I would need to travel through time to prevent catastrophe from occurring.

The dream began to unravel at that point, where I had a vague feeling that 1. I could've been the driver of the doomed car, if time and chance had worked that way 2. I was dead, and the people who I thought were dead were the ones who were alive.

I also began to experience dread when one of the "dead" would manifest themselves. Because sometimes it wasn't someone I knew, it would merely be vague shadowlike manifestations of people (and perhaps even things—think Cthulhu mythos) that I had scarcely known. (Shadowy like those creatures in the game "Silent Hill", if you've ever played it, that could disappear into the floor and then reappear, grabbing at your leg.)

It took me a while lying in bed, still drowsy, to sort through all this. Remarkably, it took me a while to accept the reality that, in fact, my friends were not dead, and it was all a dream.

Huh. I have some really complicated nightmares.

09:43:25 30 Dec 2003 > /dreams > permalink > 97 comments