Sat, 03 Jul 2004

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bad habits

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I'm probably looking at this the wrong way, but I find that there's something emasculating about being considered "safe" by an attractive woman.

It's a sad thing, when being trusted can be considered a negative.

But I suppose I'm very comfortable with being exiled in the friend zone.

B analyzed it rightly a long time ago. Much like investment banking, it all has to do with risk.

It probably also has a lot to do with the fact that lately, I've been attracted to women who are (1) in a relationship (2) recently exiting a relationship (with all the psychological and often irrational baggage attached to such a process) or (3) crazier than I am, which is very crazy indeed. (Not that there's nothing wrong with crazy, it's just that there's a good crazy and a bad crazy, and I don't think there's a fool-proof way to tell until it's too late, and the discernment is further clouded by the fact that I'm not exactly the most sane person in this universe either.)

But, as B understands it, I end up in the friend zone precisely because it's safe. Especially with the doomed attraction to women in relationships, since obviously nothing is ever going to happen. (At least not then and there.) 0% probability is a very safe been indeed. (Even if I do find myself betting on it, meaning that I go for situations that I have a 100% chance of losing.)

Simply put, in capitalist terms, without risk, there can be no profit. Pay to play.

The deranged thing is that instead of changing my playing parameters, I think what I've opted to do is simply not to play at all.

God, I need help. Heh.

07:57:31 3 Jul 2004 > /soul > permalink > 0 comments

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