Mon, 21 Mar 2005top
only hope can keep me together
I'll send an S.O.S. to the world, I'll send an S.O.S. to the world. I hope that someone gets my— I hope that someone gets my— I hope that someone gets my—
I seem to always come back to this song.
Right now I am simply shuffling randomly through my mp3 collection (which has recently just outgrown my 40 GB hard drive, although I'll admit, I probably have at least a few hundred megs of duplicates that I haven't bothered to clean out). Because of my wacky habit of keeping track of memories by attaching them to songs, I find my mind taking off to what are now quite distant eras of my life.
Not that I'm an old geezer, mind you. It just feels that way sometimes. Especially after being at work for about 30 hours.
I'm getting that "floating in space" feeling. That feeling that no one could give a shit if I lived or died. That solipsistic feeling that there's really no one else around. Everyone else is just an actor or a computer-simulated program or something equally creepy.
I suppose that this is technically a sign of insanity, but I think that everybody's a little crazy anyway.
I know I am.
I don't know. I'm totally in that state of mind where I feel lonely, but the thought of the company of other people makes me clastrophobic. Like, I start imagining my life populated with more people, and I get the creeps.
Today has just been a very fragmented day. Once again I slept all day. I dreamt about the end of the world. That the universe was falling apart, and that the only way to survive was to take this hypertransit corridor that dematerializes you and accelerates you to near light speed, then decelerates you and rematerializes you. Like the inside of this corridor basically looks like what I imagine a particle accelerator looks like. (By the way, did you hear the bizarre news that some scientists think that they may have created an atom sized black hole? Neat-o.)
Stranger still was the fact that the timeline of my dream was bifurcated. In one timeline, I was married to this woman, but in another, she was married to someone else. But if you entered the hypertransit corridor, the timelines would combine. (Leading to very awkward social situations.)
I dreamt that they were slowly converting freeways into hypertransit corridors. And that certain medical conditions prevented you from traveling on the hypertransit ways. So some people were doomed to be extinguished by the coming cataclysm.
But unfortunately they had the dimensional equivalent of the INS on the other side of the corridor, and in my dream I basically had to sneak through the border. (I don't remember how you're supposed to do this at 95% of c, but hey, this is my dream, damn it.) So here we were, about twelve of us in a one bedroom apartment, including a dog, refugees from a dying universe, unable to leave lest we get deported and condemned to endure the Big Crunch.
Oh, I remember now. We had a patron who was powerful enough to sneak us through, but was quickly losing influence so that we had to worry about deportation.
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