Sun, 27 Mar 2005

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things never turn out…

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…the way you plan them to.

As if I wasn't acutely aware of that fundamental fact that governs the universe.

Anyway, my mind is really not functioning these days. I think I've come to the trough of this year. I may have made it over the wall, but now I'm becalmed.

I'm getting nowhere, fast.


But I've been bitching about how one-dimensional my life has gotten these days. Outside of work, there is this huge gaping void, and lately, I've been avoiding this chasm by either going to work, or sleeping.

Sometimes I hate holidays.

I have all this time to think. For some reason, despite being told by my oldest friend B from practically the day we met that I think too much, I still think too much.

If you get what I'm saying.

Ah hell. I should just go to sleep.

I can't get to sleep I think about the implications Of diving in too deep And possibly the complications… —from "Overkill" by Colin Hay

As I've been trying to say, I've been fretting about how one-dimensional my life is. I've noticed how empty of content my days are now that I've managed to catch up with some of my friends whom I haven't talked to in months. They ask me, "So, what's new?" and I try and try and rack my brain, but there's nothing.

A conversation with my ex-roommate B reminds me that "this too shall pass."

Anyway. I've been pondering how my life has very few degrees of freedom. (OK this is going to sound nuts, but) I feel like I'm trapped between two Casimir plates. There's all this energy that's getting stored here, all this weirdness popping into reality, and I just have this feeling that when get out from between these plates, reality is going to be a bitch to pay back. (OK, I admit it. I'm a sick bastard. And the biggest nerd you'll ever meet. I read books about quantum mechanics for fun. Even though I don't know how to do math more complicated than algebra.)

I'm a virtual photon streaking through the quantum soup generated by pushing too unyielding surfaces too close together without actually touching.

I'm not even high.

I'm going to get to sleep now even if it kills me, damn it.

22:56:58 27 Mar 2005 > /soul > permalink > 2 comments

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