Mon, 02 May 2005

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what are words for? (before the tangent)

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OK, I got distracted there from what I was trying to say. The reason why I scraped this fragmented lyric from the inside of my brain is because I am musing on something a girl once wrote me, a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

Even then you had that sweet, special smile…

…when I didn't even think she knew who I was. Although I don't know what she would think if she knew that I had been attracted to her from the start. I remember seeing her, hanging out with mutual friends, and I remember having to catch my breath.

And of course my usual lack of self-esteem fell upon me with a vengeance. Clearly out of my league. Once again I long for what I cannot have.


Ah, the strange paths that my life has taken.

Nearly a decade since, and I haven't really made any progress in terms of overcoming my inability to trust other people. Well, either that, or I am simply unloveable and worthless, but we all know what a vortex of despair that would lead us down. As I've said before, believing such things is ultimately incompatible with life.

What I am really left with are these thoughts, which are evoked everytime I see the Sea, and those mysterious islands just on the horizon.

Just call me the Dread Pirate Roberts.

19:29:36 2 May 2005 > /soul > permalink > 0 comments

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