Sat, 07 May 2005


scattered and remote

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Something as innocuous as a touch on the shoulder… "We missed you the other day." words and gestures that I want to take out of context, to launch me off in a daydream, hopelessly fantastic wishes.

Trying to latch on to some meaning.

I have learned that it is like reaching for wisps of cloud, stray glinting rays of starlight, fireflies.

Like trying to dance on water.

So I milled around the supermarket today during the witching hour, when only the weirdos, the drunks, and the college students are whiling away their time wandering aimlessly through the aisles. My main task was to procure some soap. I had run out of some very basic material and desperately needed to replenish.

Strikingly, I was treated to two versions of "Breathe," one by Melissa Etheridge and one by Greenwheel, and then Kelly's Clarkson's hit single "Since U Been Gone" One wonders if one of the workers at the supermarket was disgruntled with his or her romantic fortunes.

I could relate.

But I guess it is more elemental than all that. The fact of the matter is that a human being is a social organism, and for me to eschew interaction with other people is ultimately self-destructive and probably eventually fatal. Without others to help me with my self-definition, I wander around in a sea of meaninglessness. A solipsistic fog. An existential mire.

You think about it hard enough and you come to the question of "why am I bothering with all this crap?" and then you can't come up with an answer, and without other people around, it becomes increasingly logical to end it all.

(Don't worry, this is not a cry for help. I swear that I am not actively suicidal right now. Trust me.)

But I cannot touch them. I don't even know how to approach. How to tell someone something as ridiculously simple and guileless as the fact that seeing them in the morning makes me smile, makes me content, even though I know that I've got a whelk's chance in a supernova. That's all, nothing else. It doesn't mean anything more than what I understand.

I don't know.

This is clearly the delirium of the early morning.

Thank God for psychotropic medication.

00:56:14 7 May 2005 > /soul > permalink > 5 comments


Name/Blog: Wilhelmina
Title: leVzWlguoYi
Comment/Excerpt: Pin my tail and call me a donkey, that raelly helped.

Name/Blog: bterztsfm
Title: pQqfqwxhoNBbbORUdRs
Comment/Excerpt: c1u63V , [url=]bmudgfvhwfky[/url], [link=]cskglemxqube[/link],

Name/Blog: biggfs
Title: wGFGLOvSzQtNCGgNpql
Comment/Excerpt: oKAr1T <a href="">dasvgkmywjxf</a>

Name/Blog: dqkhotp
Title: bUxawtiCvQqcOBwHxhj
Comment/Excerpt: oVJg2e , [url=]njmioakeawih[/url], [link=]vpzwklfyjpei[/link],

Name/Blog: Athiya
Title: Anniversario dei tre
Comment/Excerpt: Anniversario dei trent'anni di Data Port! Quanti anni! Eppure era ieri. Sare0 anche ovvio, ma va detto. Al negozio di Forte dei Marmi (ora non c'e8 pif9) atiquscai il secondo Mac della mia vita: un SE 20 era il 198 4 o 5. Prima c'era stato un MacPlus 512 aggiornato a MacPlus (in tempo offusca tutto ) E poi via via tanti altri. Molti, ma non troppi. Quello che serviva. Data Port e8 stato sempre un segno forte di seriete0. Con moltissimo piacere dunque mi unisco agli auguri. Ma ci aggiungo un'altra parola. Grazie di esserci stati e di esserci ancora. La vostra storia non e8 alla fine. Tutt'altro. Voglio credere che sia solo all'inizio e che continui con lo stesso spirito. Anni fa sullo svincolo di Pontedera c'era una pubblicite0 Apple: Diceva: Cambiare il mondo uno alla volta . Oggi non c'e8 pif9. Mi spiace perche9 e8 ancora vera. Ho sempre unito Data Port a quella pubblicite0 e arrivando a Pontedera per venire da voi ho sempre pensato che quello era pif9 che una pubblicite0. Era una speranza. Con tutto quel che ne segue. Auguri. Auguri a tutti e a tutti buon lavoro.don Ernesto

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