Fri, 27 May 2005

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I sunk into a depressive mood this afternoon. Maybe it's just adrenalitis or something. All of the sudden I was exhausted despite it not being a strenuous day at all. The stress of the past 11 months, especially of the last four, has finally caught up to me, and, frankly, I want nothing more than to pass out saturated by tequila catching some sunlight on the beach.

I had a bizarre epiphany while listening to my iPod as I drove home from work: I am probably going to die John the Baptist-style (figuratively speaking) with my head on a silver platter.

(Yes my mind is truly arcane. I have long equated dying like John the Baptist with dying lonely and insane.)

The Playlist of the Damned:

  1. Green Day and Oasis mixed by Vin Vicious "Wonderwall of Broken Drams"
  2. Sarah McLachlan "World on Fire (Marius De Vries Mix)"
  3. Norah Jones "Shoot the Moon"
  4. Ben Folds Five "Don't Change Your Plans for Me"

I walk a lonely road The only one that I have ever known Don't know where it goes But it's home to me and I walk alone

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me

And all the roads that lead to you were winding And all the lights that light the way are blinding There are many things that I would like to say to you but I don't know how

And maybe You're gonna be the one that saves me…

The world's on fire and It's more than I can handle I'll tap into the water (I try to pull my ship) I try to bring more More than I can handle (Bring it to the table) Bring what I am able

I watch the heavens and I find a calling Something I can do to change this moment Stay close to me while the sky is falling Don't wanna be left alone, don't wanna be alone

The summer days are gone too soon You shoot the moon And miss completely And now you're left to face the gloom

Will you think of times you've told me That you knew the reason? Why we had to each be lonely It was just the season

Sometimes I get the feeling that I won't be on this planet for very long I really like it here I'm quite attached to it; I hope I'm wrong

All I really want to say You're the reason I want to stay But destiny is calling And I told them when my time is up I'm out of here

No dying in my sleep for me. No one to mourn my burnt up corpse, neither.

Why do I dwell on these things?

That's all there is, there ain't no mo'

19:48:08 27 May 2005 > /soul > permalink > 6 comments

comments

Name/Blog: infiniti
URL: http://eye8infiniti.blogspot.com
Title: dude
Comment/Excerpt: when are you coming up to LA? haven't seen you in a LONG minute.

Name/Blog: Sylwia
URL: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003406337814
Title: Sylwia
Comment/Excerpt: this happened to me. My gelrfriind walked out on me just a week after i became spiritually saved . I believe that God allowed satan to commit this act. When we ask God to make us more faithfull, we are really asking for trials. Trials test our trust in God, if we lean on him through it, it will make us stronger in faith, and for the next trial. i think God was telling me that he comes first. James 1:1-4 helped me out with this a lot, its posted in the next comment.

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